Ask A Sistah

Here at Sistahs on the Shelf, we have an advice column, where sistahs in the life could ask any kind of questions from books to relationship issues. Read on for our advice.

Q. I’m 28 years old and have been married 10 years. I have always been attracted to women but never acted on it until a year ago. I have been in a relationship with a great female I love very much. I don’t want to be married anymore. I need help to get out of it. I don’t love him anymore, and honestly, I don’t think I ever did; I have been with him since I was 15 years old. I JUST WANT TO BE THE WOMAN I WANT TO BE. WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST I DO??

A. The best thing for you to do is be honest — with your husband, your new female lover, and most importantly, yourself. It’s a tough situation when you’ve found love somewhere else, and you don’t want to hurt anyone. Hurtful feelings are bound to come with this type of situation, but it’s better to tell the truth and be who you are instead of living a life of lies. Take the time to really think about what you want, and be proud of whatever decision you make. It’s tough but it’s worth it — especially to be with the woman you love.

Q. I am currently involved with a woman who is my first. She recently came out of a bad relationship and is therefore not ready for another.  That I understand, but I want to try a relationship with her.  My heart tells me to hold out and see what happens, but my mind is unsure.

A. If she’s saying she’s not ready for a relationship, believe her. I know it’s hard to ignore the feelings you have for her, but I would put it aside until she’s ready. Just be her friend and try not to pressure her for a commitment. What I’ve learned is that if someone is telling you they’re not ready, you have to believe them. Cause either she’s really not looking for a relationship or she’s not looking for one with you. Take heed and realize she’s your first, and definitely won’t be your last.

If you would like to add your two cents to this advice or have your own question to ask, feel free to drop a line at  All letters will remain confidential.

DISCLAIMER: Sistahs on the Shelf and its creator are not licensed professionals, and the advice given on this page is not a substitute for professional advice.

12 thoughts to “Ask A Sistah”

  1. I found your web site by doing a engine search. I am so happy to find a web site decaited to lesbian Sisters. I will be reading a lot of the books you have listed. thanks and have a great day.

  2. I am very much attracted to my boss and I’m certain she is attracted to me as well. I have tried to fight this attraction but just can’t. I know it’s not a good idea to play where you work, especially with the boss. What should I do?

  3. How do you get a book,that is no longer available? I am interested in reading the book by Dahni McPhail, called “Two and a Possible.”

  4. I dont have a life changing question persay. I want to be able to read more lesbian books on my Kindle. Can you let me know how to make this happen.

  5. I found your website while learning about an author. I’m so glad I did I have a hard time finding black lesbian literature. Thankyou so very much.

  6. I am looking for a lesbian novel that I read in the 80s that was very popular about a black lesbian preacher who falls in love with a straight R*B recording star. Thank you for your reply.

    1. The book is called say amen and come to me… it’s by Ann Shockley

  7. Hi to all my fellow Beautiful Blaque Lesbians. I found this blog/site by accident while researching black lesbian bloggers. Can anyone tell me how and where i can order/purchase black lesbian fiction including what novels are showcased here in SOTS. THANKS FOR YOUR REPLY.

  8. Dear sistah
    I hdevelop a crush on my female supervisor. I think about her everyday and nightbefore i had a crush on her i would always joke and smile with her. Now i totally ignore or dont talk with her , except in a professional way. One day she spoke with me and asked why i am not smiling or talking anymore. I just said i dont know. I know she has a girlfriend, this never happen to me before. Whatshould i do?

  9. I’m currently in a complicated relationship with a girl and this is her 1st relationship ever. We love each other and love being together but after 4 months into the relationship she’s been unsure now of what she wants and if she wants this but we are currently still living together and i love her so deeply … is waiting for her the right choice?

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