Q. I’m 28 years old and have been married 10 years. I have always been attracted to women but never acted on it until a year ago. I have been in a relationship with a great female I love very much. I don’t want to be married anymore. I need help to get out of it. I don’t love him anymore, and honestly, I don’t think I ever did; I have been with him since I was 15 years old. I JUST WANT TO BE THE WOMAN I WANT TO BE. WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST I DO??
A. The best thing for you to do is be honest — with your husband, your new female lover, and most importantly, yourself. It’s a tough situation when you’ve found love somewhere else, and you don’t want to hurt anyone. Hurtful feelings are bound to come with this type of situation, but it’s better to tell the truth and be who you are instead of living a life of lies. Take the time to really think about what you want, and be proud of whatever decision you make. It’s tough but it’s worth it — especially to be with the woman you love.
Q. I am currently involved with a woman who is my first. She recently came out of a bad relationship and is therefore not ready for another. That I understand, but I want to try a relationship with her. My heart tells me to hold out and see what happens, but my mind is unsure.
A. If she’s saying she’s not ready for a relationship, believe her. I know it’s hard to ignore the feelings you have for her, but I would put it aside until she’s ready. Just be her friend and try not to pressure her for a commitment. What I’ve learned is that if someone is telling you they’re not ready, you have to believe them. Cause either she’s really not looking for a relationship or she’s not looking for one with you. Take heed and realize she’s your first, and definitely won’t be your last.
If you would like to add your two cents to this advice or have your own question to ask, feel free to drop a line at firstname.lastname@example.org. All letters will remain confidential.
DISCLAIMER: Sistahs on the Shelf and its creator are not licensed professionals, and the advice given on this page is not a substitute for professional advice.